Wild & Precious Life by Deborah Ziegler

Brittany Maynard was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in early 2014. She chose to die on her own terms in Oregon, one of the three US states that had enacted “Death with Dignity” legislation (California became the fourth in 2016). She used her situation as a platform to advocate for the rights of other terminally ill patients. In Wild & Precious Life, Deborah Ziegler writes about the daughter she loved so fiercely and the rocky path of coming to terms with a difficult reality.

My daughter did the best she could. I’m rock solid in that truth. She tried so hard to do what was right. This idea sounds simple, but it is not. Look around at those who disappoint you, hurt you. Are they doing the best they can? Are you? Does it make us feel safer to think our best is better than theirs? Now look at those who are terminally ill. Are they doing their best? How dare we judge them? How dare we tell them how they ought to die? How dare we impose our beliefs on them? How dare we try to manipulate them into fighting when they have no more fight left?

The chapters alternate between Brittany’s life before diagnosis and her life after diagnosis. Ziegler introduces the reader to a complex young woman: compassionate, impulsive, adventurous, and moody. As Brittany’s cancer progressed and the symptoms intensified, a perfect storm of tumor symptoms, medication side effects, and anxieties caused violent and angry outbursts. The mother-daughter relationship is also complex–close, but sometimes contentious. But no matter what, they always found their way back to each other.

What stood out most about Brittany is how much she wanted to live and how fully she lived in the little time she had. Brittany made her story public in hopes of educating the public and giving other terminally ill patients the same choice she had. While she had the flexibility and resources to move to Oregon, uprooting her life brought on its own hardships. Ziegler also describes the whirlwind of media attention when Brittany’s story went viral, as well as the misrepresentations and hurtful backlash that followed. She writes about how the situation and cruel comments from others affected her own faith.
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Sooner or later, people experience something in life that they can’t control. We can’t be good enough human beings, or do enough research, or buy enough stuff, to be secure. Security is an illusion. Natural occurrences in life happen randomly to all kinds of people. Sad, horrible, senseless tragedy strikes for apparently no reason. Every journey begins without hope. It just begins.

While searching for more about Brittany’s story, I discovered that her husband Dan doesn’t endorse this book (his Facebook post). He states that “the scenes from the last 10 months of Brittany’s life obviously reflect Deborah’s own opinions, concerns, and thoughts. Deborah’s book does not speak for Brittany and there are numerous passages that are inaccurate.” I kept this in mind as I continued reading. Even without knowing any details, there are parts that I could see being heavily perspective based or events that someone might not want to be detailed for the public. However, I did find value in reading Brittany’s story from the perspective of a mother whose every instinct fought against accepting what was happening. She discusses the lack of support and education for caregivers. Brittany’s tumor was likely growing for a decade, so she reflects on whether there were earlier signs. Were Brittany’s thrill-seeking behaviors, impulsiveness, and intense mood swings symptoms of the tumor? I was amazed at the remarkable way in which the brain is able to adapt.

I urge Americans to think for themselves. Make your wishes clear while you are competent. Make sure that you have all the options spelled out for you if you are diagnosed with an incurable, debilitating, painful disease. Do your own research. Ask your family to research and face the harsh reality with you. Ask your doctor to be brutally honest with you. Then make your personal choice about how you will proceed. It is YOUR choice.

Wild & Precious Life is about a mother’s unconditional love and a family who was forced to come to terms with an impossible situation. No one is portrayed as perfect–they are all heartbreakingly human. Everyone did the best they could with the reality they were given. “We have lost sight of reality. All life ends. Death is not necessarily the enemy in all cases. Sometimes a gentle passing is a gift.” Like When Breath Becomes Air, this book made me reflect on my own views of death and see how important it is to make these difficult decisions while one still can. This book also educated me about the regulations that are put in place to protect the terminally ill patients who are making end-of-life decisions. For more information about Brittany Maynard or Death with Dignity legislation: Brittany’s opinion piece, the Brittany Maynard Fund, Death with Dignity FAQ.

Faithful by Alice Hoffman

A beautifully written coming-of-age tale about transformation, redemption, and learning to let go. When Shelby was seventeen, she was the driver in a car accident that put her best friend Helene in an irreversible coma. Helene is trapped inside herself and subjected to an endless stream of visitors convinced that she produces miracles. Shelby blames herself for Helene’s misfortune and has dedicated her life to paying her penance. “She is stopping her life, matching her breathing so that it has become a counterpart of the slow intake of air of a girl in a coma.” She suffers from major depression, anxiety, survivor’s guilt, and post-traumatic stress. Faithful follows the slow and painful process of Shelby rebuilding her life over a ten-year period.

In fairy tales, such things happened, you stole from someone, then were handed their fate as a punishment.

The writing is gorgeous! The prose is so effortless and I almost forgot I was reading. I loved how Hoffman added little bits of magic to everyday life through her word choices. The most magical parts of the story are when Shelby periodically receives anonymous postcards with inspiring messages like “Be something,” “Feel something,” and “Trust someone.” The postcards are the one thing she looks forward to in life. They give her a subtle push to start living again, one step at a time. Each chapter is a transformative event in Shelby’s life. Shelby’s path to healing is messy! She makes maddening choices and there are many ups-and-downs in the story, but the general trajectory is towards healing. Even the bad decisions push her forward. She’s determined to coast through life with no attachments, but new relationships, a love of animals, and the postcards keep her from completely drifting away. Each new experience, good or bad, makes her open up a little more.

People say if you face your worst fear the rest is easy, but those are people who are afraid of rattlesnakes or enclosed spaces, not of themselves and the horrible things they’ve done.

Shelby is wrestling with some really tough issues and her unpleasantness made the first chapter a bit of a chore. I was hooked once she meets Maravelle (Mimi) Diaz in Chapter 2. Mimi is the first person Shelby befriends that didn’t know her before the accident, so it’s a pivotal moment for her. One of the most memorable chapters is when Shelby babysits Mimi’s children and has to be responsible for people other than herself. Her close relationship with Mimi’s children forces her to look at her own mom in a more nuanced way. Shelby’s evolving relationship with her mother was the most emotional part of the book for me. The moment she steps out of her emotional fog realizes how deeply and unconditionally she was loved was so moving.  “How can you hurt the one woman in the world who waits up for you at night till you’re safely home? Who puts up with your moods and your disappointments in life? Who remembers you when you were young and handsome and had faith in the world?” The deepening of the mother-daughter relationship had me sobbing!

!——-Vague assessment of my feelings towards the end, but skip the next part if you want to know absolutely nothing.——–!

This is one of those books where there’s a constant stream of dramatic events. As much as I loved Mimi and her family, I thought their serious issues tipped it over into the too much category. I enjoyed the story most between the introduction of Mimi and the resolution of the postcard situation. Shelby stumbles across the identity of the postcard sender and it felt so random and anti-climatic. Even though I was happy that Shelby found happiness, I couldn’t get into one of the relationships in the last quarter of the book. The connection was so sudden and there’s only a passing mention of this person in an earlier conversation. I groaned when they said, “It was always you, Shelby.” Romance, fate, fairy tales, etc., but I just couldn’t keep my fairy tale lenses on for that. That’s the second person in the book who wouldn’t have had a chance with her before the accident and was fixated on her from afar. I also wish that Ben got a better ending than he did because I liked his “first” ending better!

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She read the color-coded series of Andrew Lang’s fairy tales to her mother. They became lost in an enchanted cottage with vines growing over the window. It was dark and it was quiet and they could hear each other softly breathing. Every story had the same message: what was deep inside could only be deciphered by someone who understood how easily a heart could be broken.

The people in this book are deeply flawed, but they also have goodness inside of them. The angels in Shelby’s story aren’t perfect people, but they were there to guide someone through their lowest moments. Faithful shows the potential for transformation in everyone. Shelby thinks the accident permanently transformed her into a monster. She’s built a protective shell around herself because it’s easier than letting people in, but her goodness can’t be trapped inside forever. She sees life as a novel where a person carries all their past experiences with them from chapter to chapter. In order to fully heal she has to realize that while her past will always be a part of her, it doesn’t have to define her. She doesn’t have to stay stuck in one story. Punishing herself in Helene’s name isn’t fair to Helene either. She’ll never be able to move forward if she continues to punish herself and carry her past guilt with her.

She thinks of the way angels arrive, when you least expect them, when the road is dark, when you’re bleeding and alone and hopeless, when you’re sleeping in a basement, convinced that no one knows you’re there.

Faithful is one of those books that I enjoyed while I was reading, but I haven’t thought about since I put it down. While it wasn’t particularly memorable for me, I have a feeling that Hoffman will become a go-to author for me for the times where I want to just disappear into a story. Shelby’s story is extremely relatable and I could see it being a comfort to anyone who has struggled with similar issues. The themes reminded me of Cruel Beautiful World. I wish that Shelby could meet CBW’s Patrick*–too bad they’re fictional characters!

She thought she knew what her future would be like, but as it turns out life is far more mysterious than she would have ever imagined. What is behind you is gone, what is in front of you awaits.

___________________

“[Patrick] had read that the reason there were ghosts was that the living tethered them to life, that the dead lingered not because they needed closure but because the living did. And the living needed to do only one thing for the dead: let them go. And they could never do it.” – Cruel Beautiful World

Cruel Beautiful World by Caroline Leavitt

“Why do you always have to think about the worst things?”
“Because the worst things happen all the time.”

A character-driven novel about the messiness of love and coping with loss. Sixteen-year-old Lucy runs away with her thirty-year-old English teacher, leaving only a vague note for her adoptive mother and older sister to find. They don’t know if they’ll ever see her again and Lucy’s mysterious disappearance leaves a hole in their lives that can never be filled. Lucy is excited to be an “adult” and has romantic ideas of what a lifetime with William will entail, but she soon realizes how little she knows about him.

[Iris] had seen that poster in Lucy’s room, that ridiculous sentiment that you don’t belong to me, and I don’t belong to you, but if we find each other, it’s beautiful. What a stupid thing to say! Of course people belonged to each other. Love owned you. It kept you captive.

It’s 1969, and the Vietnam War is in full swing. The Manson murders and the subsequent trial dominate the news. There’s a heightened awareness of all the danger in the world. Lucy and her older sister Charlotte had been inseparable since their parents died over a decade ago, but they’ve been drifting apart recently. Charlotte is busy with schoolwork and preparing for college. As the “big girl helper,” Charlotte always had a closer bond with their “distant” relative and adoptive mother Iris. Iris is 79 and planning to travel the world once both girls leave the house. Free-spirited Lucy is feeling left behind and has no idea where her life is heading, unlike her studious sister who has her entire life mapped out. When her English teacher William shows an interest in her, she finds love and a purpose.

“You don’t know what you’re seeing sometimes, when you see it,” [Patrick] said. “You don’t know how bad it can get.”

I was expecting an intense plot, but it’s actually an introspective, character-driven novel. The chapters alternate between the perspectives of Lucy, Charlotte, and Iris. Later, we get the perspective of Patrick, a man Lucy meets near her new home. These people have experienced more than their fair share of miscalculations and heartbreak. They reveal their hopes, fears, doubts, and regrets. They all had big ideas of how their lives would go, but nothing turned out as planned. Despite the many decades between Iris and Lucy, they are so much alike! They were both determined to have better lives than their guardians, but their lives still end up full of complications. For better or worse, they both end up getting trapped in someone else’s story and putting aside their own needs for the people they love. Likewise, Charlotte and Patrick both end up putting their lives on hold because they feel guilt about their inability to protect the people who depended on them. There’s an overarching fear that one only gets one chance at life. Will any of them ever be able to stop blaming themselves and give themselves a second chance?

[Patrick] had read that the reason there were ghosts was that the living tethered them to life, that the dead lingered not because they needed closure but because the living did. And the living needed to do only one thing for the dead: let them go. And they could never do it.

I really liked the scenes at and near Lucy and William’s rustic home in the woods. A threatening atmosphere surrounds the isolated home. Life with William isn’t exactly what Lucy expected, but she tries to make the best of it. William becomes increasingly paranoid, manipulative, and possessive, causing Lucy to feel lonely and restless. She has little to occupy her time besides writing and taking care of William. She develops an anxiety over the Manson trial that felt a little forced. Part of it was the marketing; the name Manson screamed out at me, so I was expecting more of a connection than news stories seen on the other side of the country. I didn’t feel as strongly about the Vietnam War references since that was part of Lucy and Charlotte’s life via student protests. However, the news events add to the anxious atmosphere and give Lucy a new framework to view her life. But even as she begins to develop a more nuanced view of William, it’s still difficult for her to resist the strong pull of love.

Sometimes you couldn’t fix things, you couldn’t make them better, and you had to live with that. It didn’t make you a bad person, the way she had thought. It made you human.

I’ve talked a lot about Lucy, but it’s about so much more than her running off with a teacher. Looking back on this book almost a month later, it’s not the plot or historical setting that have stayed with me. It’s the process through which these characters learned to cope with their pain and begin again after loss. They have to learn to allow themselves some happiness in the present and that life can’t be fully lived in anticipation of the worst case scenario. For all the heartbreak and ugliness in the world, there’s also love and beauty waiting to be found.  It also shows how inescapable the pull of love can be. I think I would’ve liked even less closure in the end (I can’t believe I’m saying that!), but I know these characters will stay with me for a long time.

____________________________
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Books I thought of while reading:
• I’d categorize it with A Place We Knew Well in terms of the general feel, even though there are plenty of differences. History was the bright spot in A Place We Knew Well, whereas it was the characters in Cruel Beautiful World.
• Good Morning, Midnight – the focus on the characters coming to terms with past decisions.
• I Will Send Rain – The mother-daughter relationship

____________________________
My favorite passages:
An argument in Chapter 23.

-AND-

“Falling in love with children was different from giving your heart to an adult. Oh, it was so much better! [Iris] remembered the way she had fallen for Doug, how she couldn’t sleep because she kept thinking about him, how when she saw him she wanted to kiss him. Later she felt deep comfort that he was around. But it was love with edges and complications. Loving the girls brought her deep peace, something she could sink into like a blanket.”

Still Life with Tornado by A.S. King

Sarah is in the middle of an existential crisis. She stops going to school and spends her days visiting abandoned structures in Philadelphia. An event at an art show triggered her crisis, but she actually started falling apart a long time ago. The key to unlocking the cause of her disillusionment may be confronting the events of a family vacation to Mexico when she was ten-years-old. Her older brother Bruce hasn’t talked to the family in the six years since then. She can’t remember what happened and her parents refuse to talk about it.

Here’s what I think. I think we’re really smart when we’re young. Ten-year-old Sarah is smarter than I am because I’m six years older. Twenty-three-year-old Sarah is dumber than me because I’m sixteen. Someone somewhere was way older and richer and dumber than all of us and paid forty-five million dollars for a bunch of dots. I think this kind of smart isn’t something they can measure with tests. I think it’s like being psychic or being holy. If I could be anyone for the rest of my life, I would be a little kid. (Sarah)

Sarah was an aspiring artist and I loved how that part of her life is integrated into the story, especially the concept of a tornado as something that is one thing on the outside, but another thing on the inside. Sarah is at a point in her life where adults are constantly asking her about her future, but she hasn’t even dealt with her past. She’s unable to stay in the present, which is where the future and past Sarahs come in. Versions of Sarah at different stages in life materialize to help her process her trauma. Ten-year-old Sarah is still a happy kid and the memories of the vacation are still fresh for her. Twenty-three-year-old Sarah can barely remember being sixteen and thinks sixteen-year-old Sarah is silly and dramatic. Sixteen-year-old Sarah looks up to forty-year-old Sarah who is the most self-assured. What surprised me is that these Sarahs aren’t hallucinations; other people can see them.

The older people get, the less they can do about things. They seem to be stuck. They seem to be glue. (Sarah)

Sarah’s mom Helen gets to tell her side of the story. Helen’s chapters help illuminate parts that Sarah doesn’t understand. Helen’s story shows how easy it is to get stuck in a bad situation and how hard it is to see in the middle of a storm.* It also shows how attempts to make things better can actually make them worse. Likewise, sometimes making things worse can make them better.

There are also flashbacks to the family vacation. Everything seems relatively normal at first, but there are clear indications that there is something stirring under the surface. (“Can’t you just pretend to have a good time?” “Why pretend? Aren’t we doing enough pretending as it is?”) Between her mother’s chapters and the day-by-day reveal of the trip to Mexico, we get a clearer picture of why Sarah is so depressed.
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But now it’s been so long that if I bring it up, I’ll look like a girl who can’t let go of things. Teenage girls always have to let go of things. If we bring up anything, people say we’re bitches who can’t just drop it. (Sarah)

I identified with twenty-three-year-old Sarah at first, because I didn’t know if would be interested in sixteen-year-old Sarah for the entire book! Like the protagonist in We Are the Ants, Sarah is depressed and expresses repetitive thoughts. She has received so many (unintentionally) damaging messages from trusted adults, that she now feels very little control over her life. She wants to disappear and is no longer interested in the hobbies she used to love. Sarah knows that “breaking your brain is the same as breaking your arm”, but she still feels shame about her situation. Sarah initially sees her problems as too small to bother anyone with, but she learns that her problems do matter. She doesn’t have to be strong and deal with it alone. It’s refreshing that romance was not part of this book. Sarah’s potential recovery has to come from within herself with the support of her family.

Here’s why I like making things. I like making things because when I was born, everything I was born into was already made for me. Art let me surround myself with something different. Something new. Something real. Something that was mine. I don’t know if this means I could also be a competent architect. Or a car mechanic. Or a carpenter. I just like constructing new things that are real. I believe this is a side effect of growing from seed in soil made of lies. I believe this is a side effect of being born into ruins—this need for construction. (Sarah)

Still Life with Tornado deals with mental health, the many forms of abuse, and family issues. Sarah’s story is much darker than mine, but I could relate to the disillusionment that springs from a confusing parental situation that’s never directly addressed. I loved the concept of different Sarahs, the way art played a part in the story, and Sarah’s realizations at the end. If you liked We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson, you might be interested in this book.

You can’t change people with love. It doesn’t work that way. (Helen)

* I was reminded of a quote from Cruel Beautiful World: “You don’t know what you’re seeing sometimes, when you see it …..You don’t know how bad it can get.”

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult

Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are. —BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

Ruth, a black nurse, is forbidden from caring for a white supremacist’s newborn. An unfortunate set of circumstances leads to Ruth being left alone with the baby for a short period of time. The baby goes into cardiac distress under her watch and she hesitates. The infant’s file strictly states that African American personnel aren’t allowed to care for the baby. Should she follow orders or intervene? When the baby dies, Ruth is held responsible and a difficult legal battle ensues.

Babies are such blank slates. They don’t come into this world with the assumptions their parents have made, or the promises their church will give, or the ability to sort people into groups they like and don’t like. They don’t come into this world with anything, really, except a need for comfort. And they will take it from anyone, without judging the giver.
I wonder how long it takes before the polish given by nature gets worn off by nurture.

There are three alternating perspectives in this book:

Ruth has done everything “right” in her life, yet she is suddenly about to lose everything. People who she thought were her friends are quick to turn their back on her or dismiss her experiences. The situation forces her to view all the events of her life in a different light. “I was never a member of any of those communities. I was tolerated, but not welcomed. I was, and will always be, different from them.” She feels frustrated and distrustful, as her whole world is turned upside down.

Turk, a white supremacist, is overwhelmed with grief over the loss of his baby. He finds a perfect scapegoat in Ruth. I have to give the author credit for this character. I hated being in his chapters so much that I had to keep checking to see how many minutes I had left! Not only do Turk and his wife have abhorrent thoughts, but they also commit violent acts. Some of the most interesting parts of Turk’s chapters were the details about the movement’s attempt to blend in with the general population, their recruitment methods, and the exploration of what causes a person to become so full of hate. Turk has some humanizing moments: the grief over the loss of his child, elements of his and his wife’s love story, and a reminiscence about a stint in jail. It shows he has the capability for love and compassion, so maybe he’s not a complete lost cause.

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Ruth’s confusion was understandable in this no-win situation. I found this news article about patients refusing care from nurses and it’s just as confusing in real life! Ruth’s supervisor Marie made a major judgment call without establishing any protocol. Turk seems more horrified by Ruth performing CPR on his son than he is at her hesitation. His fixation on CPR especially annoyed me, especially because I knew how it was going to play out in court. The villainous risk management lawyer Carla Luongo wasted no time making Ruth the scapegoat with absolutely zero subtlety. She only appears twice in the beginning, but she annoyed me enough that I still remember her!

It is remarkable how events and truths can be reshaped, like wax that’s sat too long in the sun. There is no such thing as a fact. There is only how you saw the fact, in a given moment. How you reported the fact. How your brain processed that fact. There is no extrication of the storyteller from the story.

If you are wary of Jodi Picoult, I’ll warn you that it is still very Picoult-ish. However, I liked it so much more than My Sister’s Keeper. I decided to read it because of the fantastic reviews and I can’t resist the medical/courtroom combo. I love a dramatic legal battle and Picoult certainly delivers! The jury selection and courtroom scenes were my favorite parts. It was interesting how the issue of race had to be tiptoed around so that the people who held so much power over Ruth’s fate wouldn’t get uncomfortable and hold it against her. I also liked how the “days of the week” argument tied in.

“Equality is treating everyone the same. But equity is taking differences into account, so everyone has a chance to succeed.” I look at her. “The first one sounds fair. The second one is fair. It’s equal to give a printed test to two kids. But if one’s blind and one’s sighted, that’s not true. You ought to give one a Braille test and one a printed test, which both cover the same material.”

There’s an occasional made-for-TV/after-school-special quality that prevents me from being overly enchanted. Picoult has a message to get across and it’s not always subtle. Ruth’s sections feel stuffed with everything Picoult wanted to make me aware of and Ruth’s voice didn’t always sound natural to me. I was always jolted out of the story by the portrayals of the supporting characters, such as her politically aware sister and her son Edison (who does a complete 180). But for every scene I thought was heavy-handed (Ruth and Edison’s dinner with Kennedy’s family), there would be an authentic scene (Edison being dissuaded from asking a girl to the dance). I didn’t always buy Turk’s voice either. He was either rough-around-the-edges or thoughtful and poetic at any given moment. Most of all, the ending irritated me! She set it up well and I knew it was coming, but it was so over-the-top. Even with all that, this book still made me feel strongly. I felt so angry for what was happening to Ruth!

It is amazing how you can look in a mirror your whole life and think you are seeing yourself clearly. And then one day, you peel off a filmy gray layer of hypocrisy, and you realize you’ve never truly seen yourself at all.

In the author’s note, which is also available at her website, Picoult explains why she wrote this book and reveals details about her extensive research. I appreciate that I can recommend as a “gateway” book to the topic of racial bias and white privilege to people who might usually get defensive at the mere mention of race. (Not awesome, but it’s a thing.) Small Great Things challenges readers to confront their own bias and privileges. It discusses the extra institutional hurdles to some Americans have to overcome. It’s hard to fix something that a majority can’t admit exists, but this book shines a light on how the typical white experience is not universal. It also highlights the difference between active and passive racism. Turk is obviously a racist, but racism and racial bias aren’t always so visible. It could be as simple as silence or refusing to believe racism exists; after all, it leads to the same result as active racism. I know that I’ve been guilty of being silent and this book made me reflect on how damaging that behavior can be.

What if the puzzle of the world was a shape you didn’t fit into? And the only way to survive was to mutilate yourself, carve away your corners, sand yourself down, modify yourself to fit? How come we haven’t been able to change the puzzle instead?

Small Great Things is a thought-provoking book that is especially effective as an introduction to issues of racial bias and white privilege. I appreciate Picoult using her influence to educate people on something they may not be aware of and her book will provoke interesting discussion. I highly recommend reading Roxane Gay’s awesome analysis of this book.

If you would like to read more about the topics addressed in this book, you might be interested in Unfair: The New Science of Criminal Injustice by Adam Benforado (audiobook is available on Hoopla), You Can’t Touch My Hair: And Other Things I Still Have to Explain by Phoebe Robinson, and Citizen: An American Lyric by Claudia Rankine (audiobook is available on Hoopla, 1hr 37min).

Spaceman: An Astronaut’s Unlikely Journey to Unlock the Secrets of the Universe by Mike Massimino

Inspiring and relatable. It made me want to work at NASA!  I would’ve had to do some serious thinking about my future career path if I’d read this book in high school!

Mike Massimino served as a NASA astronaut from 1996 to 2014. During his career he was on the crew of two spaceflights, the final two Hubble Space Telescope servicing missions. Spaceman: An Astronaut’s Unlikely Journey to Unlock the Secrets of the Universe is the story of Massimino’s life as an astronaut, from the boy with a dream in Long Island to becoming a Hubble guy, “one of the Jedi.” His path to outer space wasn’t easy; he was rejected by NASA twice. When he made the final round of astronaut selection, he almost lost the chance because of poor eyesight. (I’ve never been more invested in someone passing an eye exam!) With hard work, dedication, and the support of a team, he was able to achieve his lifelong dream.

Life is not about achieving one great thing, because once that thing is over, life keeps going. What motivates you then? The important thing is having something you love doing, and the greatest joy is that you get to wake up every day and do it.

At a press conference following the STS-109 mission, a NASA administrator tells the crowd: “Somebody asked if we’re going to send kids into space. We have sent kids into space. We sent Mike Massimino.” What makes this book so fun to read is that Mike Massimino has such a positive attitude and never lost his sense of amazement at what he was tasked to do. He displays a sincere appreciation for the planet we get to live on and a genuine commitment to seeking and sharing knowledge. He didn’t always take the ideal path, but one of the most enduring lessons of the book is that sometimes the decisions that seem like mistakes might be the things that help you out in the long-run. He shares both the successes and frustrations of his career.  Even when he officially became an astronaut there were still problems to overcome, such as finding a niche and mastering difficult skills in training. I loved that he comments on imposter syndrome. It’s comforting to know that even those at the top of their field struggle and inspiring to see how they work through those issues.

We have this idea in America of the self-made man. We love to celebrate individual achievement. We have these icons like Steve Jobs and Henry Ford and Benjamin Franklin, and we talk about how amazing it is that they did these great things and built themselves up out of nothing. I think the self-made man is a myth. I’ve never believed in it. I can honestly say that I’ve never achieved anything on my own. … I owe everything I’ve ever accomplished to the people around me—people who pushed me to be the best version of myself.

I genuinely loved the entire book, but I especially loved the parts when he officially becomes an astronaut. What’s it like to fly a supersonic T-38 jet plane? What’s the perfect soundtrack for looking out at Earth from the space shuttle? Massimino tells us all the interesting things that astronauts get to experience and sheds light on details that I wouldn’t even think to wonder about, but he also describes how all these experiences feel: the surge of panic and doubt when preparing to enter the shuttle for the first time, the overwhelming pressure of making high-stakes repairs when there’s no room for error, and the awe-inspiring feeling of floating above Earth. I felt such a rush during the spacewalks. The moment where everything he knew intellectually became amazingly and terrifyingly real brought tears to my eyes. Massimino also addresses the devastating loss of the STS-107 crew in the 2003 Columbia disaster and lets us get to know the members of that crew on a more personal level. We learn the impact the disaster had on the space program and the changes that were made to protect future crews.
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During the final Hubble repair mission in 2009, Massimino became the first person to use Twitter in outer space. He’s still active on Twitter to this day. It was refreshing to read about the positive impact of social media and how it can be used as an educational tool. I was also really impressed by the camaraderie between those working in the space industry and how everyone went above and beyond to help their colleagues, on both personal and career levels. The final Hubble Telescope servicing mission was a very stressful situation, but I really loved reading about how the whole team came together to solve the problem. 

Our sun has been there for a bazillion years, and this has been happening for a long, long time and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. People are going to come and go, live and die; bad things are going to happen and good things are going to happen. But nothing we do is going to change this cosmic dance that’s been going on since the beginning of time.

Going to space is awesome and so is this book! I’ll never work at NASA, but I felt like I did for a few hours! While most of us will never visit outer space, it’s filled with important life lessons that are applicable to everyone. Massimino really emphasizes the importance of exploration and how you can accomplish almost anything with hard work and the support of a team. This book showed me the human side of space travel and gave me a whole new appreciation for the people who risk their lives to explore the universe. I greatly admired the commitment to serving a purpose greater than oneself. I experienced a wide range of emotions while reading this book: laughter, tears, wonderment, and edge-of-my-seat suspense. I would recommend this book to everyone, but especially young people about to embark on their journey to adulthood. You might want to have the movie The Right Stuff readily available, so you can watch it when your done with the book!

Every person who goes to space, every person who gets to peek around the next corner, is someone with the potential to help change our perspective, change our relationship to the planet, change our understanding of our place in the universe. Which is why we go to space to begin with.

Side Note: If you ever get a chance to tour one of NASA’s facilities, I highly recommend it. We went on the 90-minute tram tour of Johnson Space Center and it’s by far the coolest thing I’ve done in Houston! I just found out there is an even more awesome 4-hour tour!