Author: Taryn

You wake up one morning without knowing that disaster will take place that day. You do everything right, you plan ahead, chart the course, ask the necessary questions, examine the situation from all sides. You do what parents are expected to do, and yet things still break down, they come undone, they slip away, an eight-year-old slips aways and dies. There is no destiny at play. This death comes at the end of a string of decisions small and large, steps taken or not, resolutions made too long ago to leave visible traces, and behavioral patterns that, like canyons in forsaken lands, sediment so slowly that they seem eternal.

The death of one’s child, of an eight-year-old even is as infinitely sad [in Belarus] as it is elsewhere. But it finds its place within a universe in which stability, control, and justice are not rights or expectations but aspirations perhaps even delusions, In the universe, bereaved parents are not culpable in crimes against nature or civilization. They do not have to allay the fears of others or their own by huddling in underground bunkers.

Owen went so fast and violently, Berl so slowly and deliberately—in slow motion—almost—that, in both cases, it was impossible to register what was happening until it was over.

I had a complicated relationship with this book. The writing was exquisite and I was amazed at the brilliance of the author, but there were also long sections where I felt completely lost.

The tide runs out but never runs in. The stones roll downhill but do not roll back up.

What I’m about to write doesn’t even begin to sum this book up! President Abraham Lincoln’s beloved eleven-year-old son Willie passes away after an illness. However, Willie doesn’t realize he’s dead. He’s stuck in a transitional phase with other ghosts who populate the cemetery. On the evening of the funeral, Lincoln returns to the cemetery and cradles his dead son’s body. The ghosts are amazed at the rare scene of a tenderness towards the dead. Lincoln leaves, but promises to return. It’s unwise for a child to stay in the transitional realm for long, so some of the ghosts attempt to usher Willy into the next realm. Willie is determined to stay and wait for his father, so the ghosts must concoct a plan to convince him to move on.

Trap. Horrible trap. At one’s birth it is sprung. Some last day must arrive. When you will need to get out of this body. Bad enough. Then we bring a baby here. The terms of the trap are compounded. That baby also must depart. All pleasures should be tainted by that knowledge. But hopeful dear us, we forget. Lord, what is this?

George Saunders is always recommended to me when I mention my love of Helen Phillips, and now I know why! The storytelling is surreal and the imagery is bizarre, sometimes grotesque. Lincoln in the Bardo is both humorous and devastatingly sad. This 368-page book is actually rather short on words (the audiobook is only 7 hours and 25 minutes). Part of it is like a play and the other part is constructed from excerpts of other sources, both real and imagined. Hans Vollman, Roger Bevins, and Reverend Everly Thomas serve as our guides in the transitional stage between life and death. The form these ghosts take relate to unresolved issues at the time of their death. Hans Vollman died before he was able to consummate his marriage, so he walks around naked with a massive, swollen “member.” Roger Bevins became hyper-aware of the world’s beauty right before his death, so he’s covered with eyes, hands, and noses. In a sad twist, these ghosts don’t realize they are dead; they refer to their corpses as “sick-forms” and their coffins as “sick-boxes.” They believe they will resume their lives eventually.

One feels such love for the little ones, such anticipation that all that is lovely in life will be known by them, such fondness for that set of attributes manifested uniquely in each: mannerisms of bravado, of vulnerability, habits of speech and mispronouncement and so forth; the smell of the hair and head, the feel of the tiny hand in yours—and then the little one is gone! Taken! One is thunderstruck that such a brutal violation has occurred in what had previously seemed a benevolent world. From nothingness, there arose great love; now, its source nullified, that love, searching and sick, converts to the most abysmal suffering imaginable.

It was really interesting how fact and fiction work alongside each other in this story. I was amazed at how Saunders juxtaposed pieces from various sources to create a complete picture, especially since many of the reports are contradictory. Some of the historical chapters were especially memorable:
1) Conflicting descriptions of the moon on the night of Willie’s death – There’s something beautiful about the unreliability of our memories.
2) Descriptions of Lincoln’s appearance – He’s described as an ugly man by many, but those who are more closely acquainted see him a little differently.
3) Criticism of the Lincoln during the Civil War – I couldn’t help but think of the modern day while reading the intense and sometimes vulgar criticism of Abraham Lincoln. One of the detractor’s comments would’ve been right at home in a YouTube comment section!
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I was in error when I saw him as fixed and stable and thought I would have him forever. He was never fixed, nor stable, but always just a passing, temporary energy-burst. I had reason to know this. Had he not looked this way at birth, that way at four, another way at seven, been made entirely anew at nine? He had never stayed the same, even instant to instant. He came out of nothingness, took form, was loved, was always bound to return to nothingness.

The heart of the novel is the strength of the bond between President Lincoln and Willie. In one interview, Saunders mentions the idea for this novel started with a vision he had of the Lincoln Memorial and the Pieta combined. That image came through crystal clear in the text, because the first thing I thought of when Lincoln holds is son was Michelangelo’s Pietà. The pathos permeates the pages. Willie’s intense need to be close to his father broke my heart. I felt the immense weight of both grief and the presidency on Abraham Lincoln’s shoulders in a way that I’ve never gotten from my nonfiction reading. As he grieves for his beloved son, he agonizes over the decisions he has made as president. He was intellectually aware of the casualties of war, but there’s a shift in him as he’s forced to deal with the loss of his own son.

We had been considerable. Had been loved. Not lonely, not lost, not freakish, but wise, each in his or her own way. Our departure caused pain. Those who had loved us sat upon their beds, heads in hand; lowered their faces to tabletops, making animal noises. We had been loved, I say, and remembering us, even many years later, people would smile, briefly gladdened at the memory.

I enjoyed the idea of visiting with the other ghosts more as a general idea than in practice. There were so many characters and I didn’t have patience for all of them. Maybe it was that we didn’t get to spend that much time with them. Most of the time I wanted to get back to the Lincolns. A combination of the strange imagery and each ghost’s distinct nineteenth-century speaking style made some of their voices difficult for me to read. The style was sometimes so opaque, that my mind couldn’t penetrate it; sometimes I was just reading words, unable to extract any meaning from them. It didn’t help that the names of the speakers were placed after they spoke, especially with the longer passages. Perhaps that’s less of a concern in audio (distinct voices) or print (easier flipping). The hype around this book intensified my frustration. I checked the average rating after a sixty-page struggle and had one of those “Oh crap! I’m the only person in the world that doesn’t understand this!” moments. If you hit a section that makes you feel more frustration than transcendence, you’re not alone! I’m not saying any of this to discourage anyone from reading it, but to help anyone who is having similar struggles. It was worth it for me to continue through my frustration, because some of my favorite moments are at the end when Lincoln wrestles with decisions about the war.

Pale broken thing. Why will it not work. What magic word made it work. Who is the keeper of that word. What did it profit Him to switch this one off. What a contraption it is. How did it ever run. What spark ran it. Grand little machine. Set up just so. Receiving the spark, it jumped to life. What put out that spark? What a sin it would be. Who would dare. Ruin such a marvel. Hence is murder anathema.

All that being said, there were exceptions. I was touched by the woman who worried about the three daughters she left behind and the stories from the black contingent of ghosts was highly relevant. Some of the most heartbreaking scenes were watching the ghosts cycle through forms they were never able to realize. I’ve never felt more confronted about the transience of life or how our physical bodies are just temporary vessels. Tomorrow is never a guarantee, but it’s easy to forget as we live our day-to-day lives. There’s so much to learn from these ghosts as we see how they view their past lives and learn about their regrets. Somehow everything looks completely different once there are no more chances! I was hopeful that the inhabitants of the cemetery, including Willie, would be able to make peace with themselves and find a way to complete their journey.

He is just one. And the weight of it about to kill me. Have exported this grief. Some three thousand times. So far. To date. A mountain. Of boys. Someone’s boys. Must keep on with it. May not have the heart for it. One thing to pull the lever when blind to the result. But here lies one dear example of what I accomplish by the orders

I don’t always have the easiest time with ghost stories, but the way these ghosts affect President Lincoln reminded me of the power of reading–how it allows the voices and experiences of those real and imagined, dead and alive shape who we are and the influence our viewpoints. As the weight of new experiences overwhelms President Lincoln, a stronger empathy and sense of purpose arise in him. He knows what he must do to preserve the union. Under the disapproving eye of a nation, we watch as he comes to the steadfast conclusion that the “the swiftest halt to the thing (therefore the greatest mercy) might be the bloodiest.” (Hans Vollman’s words)

Reading this novel is a wholly unique experience. It’s brilliant and emotionally powerful, but sometimes confusing (for me). My lack of star rating is not the same as zero–it’s just an indication that I can’t fit this book in any kind of rating system! One, two, or three stars seem too low because there were parts that I was amazed by, but four or five stars doesn’t seem honest to my overall experience. This book is hard to compare to anything else. As far as oddness, eerie atmosphere and the depth of emotion I felt, I was reminded of The Buried Giant by Kazuo Ishiguro. For a more resoundingly positive review, I recommend reading Colson Whitehead’s analysis in The New York Times and watching the “immersive narrative short” at the end.

3.5 Stars. I read this at a very appropriate time because I’ve recently been getting the strange sensation that I’m living in the wrong timeline! 😉  I’m going to avoid specific details about the story’s path, but here’s a review summary for those who don’t want to know as little as possible: The tone is lighthearted and self-aware, making it an entertaining read. The main character and his love life didn’t excite me, but I loved the technology, the exploration of different realities, and the questions it raised. The first half was slow because Tom was at max-whininess, but the pace picked up in the second half.

This is how the world changes—two strangers experience a crackle of chemistry.

Tom Barren (32) is from the world we were supposed to have, a technologically-advanced utopia with flying cars and space vacations. Unfortunately, Tom screwed that up for all of us when he traveled back in time to witness the moment that made his world possible. He wakes up in the wrong today—our present. His life is surprisingly more fulfilling, but he feels guilty about erasing the lives of millions of people. Should his loyalties be to the people in his original world or the four people who make his new life so much better? Is salvaging his old world even possible? Everyone is skeptical of Tom’s story. Could Tom’s memories of a Tomorrowland-like reality be delusions? How can he prove that his memories are real without advanced technology of his original world?

“The most complex physics question [is] a breeze compared to the contradictions of the human heart.”

All Our Wrong Todays reminded me so much of Kurt Vonnegut, even before the first Vonnegut reference. The conversational writing style, the absurdity, the way backstories are told, and the use of science fiction to say something larger about humanity. There’s even a scene that happens backward, which reminded me of Slaughterhouse-Five. It turns out that Vonnegut is considered an important philosopher in Tom’s high-tech world. The author pokes some good-natured fun at the science fiction genre and sometimes his own book. He addresses the big problem with most time travel stories, which I had never thought about!

This is how you discover who someone is. Not the success. Not the result. The struggle. The part between the beginning and the ending that is the truth of life.

My favorite part was the mythos surrounding Lionel Goettreider and the Goettreider Engine. The Goettreider Engine is a machine that harnesses the earth’s rotation to generate energy. This invention resulted in everyone’s basic needs being met, so all people need to worry about is being comfortable and entertained. Of course, all the technology in the world can’t sort out the messiness of human emotions! In terms of the ‘main event’, I loved the contrast of the romanticized version Tom learned in school versus what actually happened.

“It’s amazing how much damage one penis can do.”

While the technical aspects of the story immediately appealed to me, I had a harder time with the central character. First-person, single point of view made this a difficult issue to overcome. Tom is my least favorite type of character—a narcissistic, self-described loser who all these women keep sleeping with. He’s completely aware of how repetitive and whiny he is, but that doesn’t stop him! Sometimes it was hard to get too annoyed with him, because he’d read my mind every time I’d start to have a negative thought. A favorite line halfway through: “Maybe right now you’re thinking— okay, why isn’t this story over? Everything kind of worked out for this jackass.” His self-awareness was a little endearing; he apologizes for his narcissism taking over the narrative and not delivering the time-travel book you were expecting. I also wasn’t emotionally invested in the soulmate situation. The lusty infatuation solidified into love so quickly that I never felt an urgency for them to be together in any timeline. I was captivated by another love affair that plays a central role in the story, simply because of quiet moment in a lab.

When you invent a new technology, you also invent the accident of that technology.
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The Accident doesn’t just apply to technology, it also applies to people. Every person you meet introduces the accident of that person to you. What can go right and what can go wrong. There is no intimacy without consequence.

Like much science fiction, the best part were the issues it made me think about. Tom draws several parallels between the fantastic aspects of his story and the ordinary lives we lead. Existing in multiple realities is not just something that happens in a science fiction. As Tom matures, he sees how everyone is complicated and contradictory. We all consist of different versions of ourselves, even some versions we’d rather do without. He sees that time travel isn’t necessary to destroy a world. Our choices can create new realities and significant emotional experiences can make a hidden version of a person dominant. Tom has to learn for himself that beliefs not backed by action are useless and to never stop being open to different possibilities. There’s actually a lot of messages and I think I’d have more trouble narrowing it down if Tom didn’t explicitly state what he wanted us to take away from his story. The central message is that there’s no such thing as the life you are supposed to lead and trying to control your world can have disastrous consequences.

That’s the magic trick of creating life—it takes every bad decision you ever made and makes them necessary footsteps on the treacherous path that brought you home.

While searching for more about a potential film, I found this quote from Elan Mastai’s pitch letter to publishers: “Imagine if Kurt Vonnegut had decided to tell a story like The Time Traveler’s Wife with the narrative voice of Jonathan Tropper.” I can’t really sum it up  better than that! Tom could be exhausting at times and I didn’t feel a strong emotional pull towards him or his love life, but All Our Wrong Todays is entertaining and even made me laugh! I recommend it to anyone looking for an amusing book that allows you to explore new worlds and makes you think. I think Vonnegut fans who read contemporary literary fiction will enjoy it.

I want to say this devoid of any context: I loved Greta!

Maben’s life has been plagued with bad relationships and addiction. She and her young daughter are making the long journey back to her hometown of McComb, Mississippi, in hopes of a second chance. Low on cash, Maben nearly slips back into old habits to make a few bucks. She stops herself at the last second, but there’s someone watching from the shadows ready to exploit her moment of weakness.

Around the same time Maben arrives in town, Russell Gaines is back home after serving eleven years in the state penitentiary. He considers his debt to society paid in full, but there are people not ready to let him off so easily.

The clouds had been gathering in him for a long time now and the storm had arrived. Snuck up on him the way that they sneak up in the summertime with the heavy gray clouds appearing in the western sky and then moving in like vultures and bringing lightning and wind and sometimes there isn’t even time to close the windows. The clouds had been gathering and somebody was going to fucking pay.

“Rough lives get rougher.” These characters have been to hell and back. The story is dark and gritty. In the first 15%, there’s prostitution, rape, death, assault, and a flashback to a tragic drunk driving accident. The story moves along at a deliberate pace, matching the slow and easy pace of the small town. The characters’ pasts are a mystery at first, but all is revealed eventually. There’s a constant tension in the air, because it feels like these characters are heading towards tragedy. The setting was brilliantly drawn. I was able to picture the Mississippi landscapes so vividly in my mind. I grew up in a swampy part of the Gulf Coast, 282 miles/4 driving hours away from McComb. In fact, it’s mentioned that Maben’s little girl was conceived in my hometown! So many aspects of the town felt like home: dingy buildings in various states of disrepair, old trucks, good ‘ol boys, mosquitoes, humidity, and the marshy forest buzzing with wildlife.

She had discovered that once things started to go bad they gathered and spread like some wild, poisonous vine, a vine that stretched across the miles and the years from the shadowy faces she had known to the lines she had crossed to the things that had been put inside her by strangers. It spread and stretched until the vine had consumed and covered her, wrapping itself around her ankles and around her thighs and around her chest and around her throat and wrists and sliding between her legs and as she looked down at the girl with her sunburned forehead and her thin arms she realized that the child was her own dirty hand reaching out of the thicket in one last desperate attempt to grab on to something good.

Don’t let their victim-hood benefits stop them from brand viagra forgiving. They don’t take sex as an enjoyment and create expectations that re viagra 100mg price often difficult to achieve. It is obvious that men and women viagra for sale cheap are both sexually driven at times. These chemicals work wonderfully to amp best price vardenafil up sexual desires and get couples more stimulated. This author excelled making it easy to root for characters that didn’t always make the best decisions. Eventually, I even felt a small bit of empathy for a character who terrorizes Russell:“he would rage against the most striking object of his hate and he would look into the rearview mirror and see that object staring back at him and it was easy to hate the other things but it was always the most crippling to hate himself.” Most of our time is spent with Russell and Maben, but the author slips seamlessly into the minds of several supporting characters. Even minor townspeople we only meet in passing have distinct personalities. The characters prefer to deal with their biggest problems on their own. Russell refuses help from both his dad and an old buddy from high school. Maben’s been burned too many times to think that anyone would help her without a cost.

He had not set out for redemption. Not once thought about it in the years and months and weeks and days that led up to the moment he would be free. But he seemed to have stumbled upon its possibility … and he kept saying and kept thinking that he had paid and paid some more and he was free and clear but there was something uncomfortable in his gut now that made that sentiment feel less and less like a conclusion.

Russell repeatedly says that he’s done his time, but he says it so much that it seems like he’s trying to convince himself. He doesn’t hesitate when the chance for redemption falls in his lap, even at great risk to his own freedom. One of my favorite scenes was a discussion he had with the prison’s preacher about grace. He doesn’t understand how men who have committed terrible crimes get redemption, while their victims struggle to get through the day. The priest wonders if maybe Russell is trying to make himself feel better about his own sins. The characters also wrestle with moral gray areas. Sometimes it’s not as simple as right and wrong and the line between good and bad isn’t so clear cut. Can something that’s wrong on the surface sometimes be a mercy? Can doing what’s technically the wrong thing be the most ethical course?

“Bad shit happens to good people,” he said when she was done.
“Nah. I ain’t a good person. Bad shit happens to everybody,” she said. “I wish to God it’d take a break when you’re trying, though.”

Both Maben and Russell suffer from the heavy burden of guilt. They want a second chance, but they have to forgive themselves first. Maben’s hopes for a second chance are dashed almost as soon as she arrives in town. She knows no one will believe her story. The people who are terrorizing Russell don’t seem to want to stop until he’s dead. How will these two escape their desperate situations? I wasn’t sure that they would. This book deals with some unsavory characters and heavy issues, but I really liked spending a little time in Mississippi each night. I’d love to read more of this author’s work!

How silly it is to assume that what we’re dealing with is not something that will, in turn, deal with us.

Sharon and Mel met while attending the same art program in college and have worked together ever since. Ten years later, their careers have taken off with Nashville Combat, an animated feature based on Mel’s childhood. The success exposes cracks in their relationship. Mel’s antics are taking a toll on the friendship and Sharon feels like she constantly has to babysit her. When Sharon’s capacity for creation is suddenly threatened, everything changes. Sharon has always worried that Mel is the real creative force in the duo, but it turns out that Sharon has her own story to tell–but what will it cost to tell it?

“It’s the greatest thing you can do for something,” [Mel] said. “Giving it movement. Possibility.”

The Animators really appealed to my art-school heart! The writing buzzes with energy. It bounces to several settings and we get to experience New York, Florida, and Kentucky. Sharon and Mel create animated films for an adult audience and the content is gritty and raw. The duo, especially Mel, live a stereotypical artist’s life: dysfunctional families and lots of drugs, alcohol, sex. It rarely felt overbearing, probably because the story is told from Sharon’s point of view and the overlying focus on the act of creation. I did have a semi-panicky moment in the beginning because I wasn’t loving it, even though it matched my interests and was so highly rated. About a quarter of the way through, the course of Sharon’s life is altered and everything fell into place. At that point, I began to see where the story was heading and what was driving the characters. There was one late revelation that I didn’t like. It was a little too much on top of everything else and I thought it toppled into “Really?!” territory. However, it didn’t overshadow my favorite parts!

When she looks up at me, her eyes are big, blank; they seem separated from her face. And I see something I have never seen before in Mel: self-removal. Inside, she has fled. The ability of anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of something violent to grasp the details that remind them of their humiliation—smells, colors, sounds—and blur these details so that they become foreign, someone else’s property. It is a cultivated skill, requiring time, experience, unspeakable mental real estate. It is, for the desperate, the only chance to leave what happened with the part of yourself that is still yours. Children learn it. Boys, but more often, and more closely, girls. When girls learn it, they learn it for the rest of their lives, inventing two separate planes on which they exist—the life of the surface, presented for others, and the life forever lived on the inside, the one that owns you. They will never forget how to make themselves disappear. To blend into the air.

The best part was reading about two talented women creating together. I fell in love with them both, flaws and all. They are complete opposites in almost every way: physical attributes, personality, and what drives them to create. The differences create an interesting dynamic between the two women. Mel likes being at the center of their art, while Sharon uses art to escape. Mel is outgoing and unafraid, always brimming with new ideas. Sharon is the one that reels her back in and pushes them towards a finished product. Mel lives in excess and makes fast friends wherever she goes. Sharon feels like an outsider and is constantly trapped inside her own head. As different as Mel and Sharon are from each other, they both share a passion for their work. They have a strong bond and know each other intimately. Mel is a total mess, but she goes above and beyond when Sharon needs her most. They balance each other out. Mel pushes Sharon forward and, in a way, Sharon keeps Mel grounded.
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A project always begins like a pimple on the back of the neck. You can’t see it, but you can feel it, rising just under the surface. And it drives you crazy. It swells, gains definition, becomes visible. The bigger it gets, the more it presses into the back of your spine. The more it presses, the less you can focus on anything else. Working on it every day is just a way of scratching the itch until you’ve finished its business and it slowly starts to shrink back down.

When Sharon and Mel are engaged in a project, their insatiable need to create radiates off the pages. Their art is portrayed as a living, breathing organism continuously changing, until the final piece is released into the world and continues to morph in the minds of the audience. It’s exhilarating to witness Sharon and Mel bounce ideas off of each other and get absorbed in their work. Sharon and Mel both end up using art to work through their past traumas. What are the benefits and pitfalls of exposing your most vulnerable self to the world? They have to address their pasts to move forward, but is there a cost? Can you use your life in your work without altering what actually happened? How much of your story is yours? What, if any, responsibility do you have to the people you include in your work? They also have to confront the joys and anxieties of having people relate to their work.

I spent years trying to outrun myself, Mel says. Trying to make enough noise to drown myself out. It makes me ashamed to admit this. But it’s okay to let yourself catch up. It’s okay if you work to catch up to the things that have happened to you. You do it for yourself. But also for the people around you. The people who deserve to experience you, undiluted, honest. Your genuine self, given to them.

I liked that the focus was on Sharon, even though sometimes I was dying to get into Mel’s head. I feel like I’ve heard variations of Mel’s story many times before. Even though Sharon is in her thirties, it still feels like a coming-of-age tale. It shows how there’s not some set point where we stop “growing up”: “I’ve spent one of the best nights of my life checking the door for someone who never came. I’m not supposed to be at the margins anymore. I am thirty-one years old. This shrinking feeling was supposed to have been absolved by now.” She has a successful career, but she hasn’t really come into her own yet. We watch as she hopefully overcomes her past to feel more secure in herself and confident in her talent. Sharon is upfront about her creative insecurities. During her college years, she remembers seeing everyone’s work at critique and seeing only what she could do if she was more talented. Even at the pinnacle of success, she sometimes thinks of her art as “a miracle, a freak intersection of luck and circumstance.” I think most creators will be able to relate to the fear that your brain is permanently out of ideas or that you’ve already had your best ideas! She also talks about bouncing between creative pursuits and the fear of committing to one and failing.

The work will always be with you, will come back to you if it leaves, and you will return to it to find that you have, in fact, gotten better, gotten sharper. It happens to you while you are asleep inside. The world in which we work is a place where no one is a ghost, a world in which the potential for anything walks and breathes, alive. And this is reason enough to have faith. To keep going.

One thing I appreciated most about this book is that it surprised me by going places I didn’t expect. It was a fascinating look into hand-drawn animation, an art form I knew little about. However, it doesn’t get too bogged down in the technical and the real heart of the novel is the friendship between Sharon and Mel. I enjoyed witnessing the ebb and flow of Sharon and Mel’s relationship and watching them navigate their personal lives and careers.

Five years ago, a neighborhood watch volunteer shot and killed seventeen-year-old Trayvon Martin as he was walking back to the residence he was staying at with his father. The shooter was quickly released, but Trayvon’s parents fought to have him tried in a court of law: “We’re not looking for revenge. We’re looking for justice—the same justice anyone would expect if their son were shot and killed for no reason.” They won their day in court and the battle played out in both in the media and the courtroom. The shooter maintained he was acting in self-defense. The trial lasted twenty-four days and ended with a “not guilty” verdict.

“We’re going to stand up for justice, and stand up for what’s right. This is not a black and white thing. This is about a right and wrong thing.” – Sybrina Fulton

The chapters alternate between the writing of Trayvon’s mother Sybrina Fulton and his father Tracy Martin. They’ve been divorced for many years, but they maintain a close relationship and have supported each other during this tragedy. There’s occasional overlap in their stories, but it was helpful to read both their perspectives. Most of the book is devoted to the time period between the evening of Trayvon’s death on February 26, 2012 to the verdict on July 13, 2013. They give us a fuller portrait of the son that never had the chance to grow into adulthood, an adventurous young man who had an interest in aviation. It’s very thorough, giving a clear picture of what was happening at the time, as well as their reactions. I thought it was surprisingly candid, given the parental perspective. They write about the difficult questions asked during the deposition and Sybrina talks about the painful realization that the state hadn’t proven its case beyond a reasonable doubt. They address many of the controversies and rumors that arose, including the pictures used by the media, Trayvon’s texting history, and the controversial testimony of their star witness Rachel Jeantel.

“Can’t you understand that none of this would be going on if they simply would have treated George Zimmerman like they would have treated Trayvon Martin?” – Benjamin L. Crump, the family’s lawyer

So many out-of-the-ordinary events lined up to result in this tragedy. There are so many questions that will never be answered. The altercation happened on a rainy evening which muddied the eyewitness accounts, which are already notoriously unreliable. Of the two people who know exactly what happened, only the shooter is alive to tell their account. Trayvon’s parents describe their journey to find answers and get justice: the building of a movement to bring the case to trial, gratitude for the opportunity to have their case heard, their personal reactions to the grueling legal process, frustrations with the prosecution’s strategy, the sinking feeling of defeat, and their efforts to help others who have gone through similar tragedies. While the media coverage played a large part in the pressure to bring the case to trial, having their personal tragedy becoming national news also had a negative side. There were vicious attacks on the characters of Trayvon and his parents and passionate support for the shooter. False stories and mischaracterizations still circulate about the case and distract from the central issues.
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Race was the elephant in the room: a white man—or at least a white-identified man—killed a black kid. So it wasn’t surprising to me that so much of the coverage approached it from that angle. It worried me, though. Because we knew that once it became a racial issue, once it was more than the plain and simple act of a kid walking home shot dead—people were going to be divided. Once you throw race into the equation, mothers in the white community that could identify with Sybrina’s pain of losing a child are left to choose: am I loyal to my motherhood or am I loyal to my race? They would likely never put it in those terms themselves, but I’d lived through enough events—like the O. J. Simpson case—where at some point people stop caring about the truth or the complications, all they care about is whether you’re on team Black or team White. – Tracy Martin

If Jodi Picoult’s Small Great Things made an impact on you, I recommend reading this book. Rest in Power is a real-life account of how far lawyers will go to avoid mentioning race and how damaging the consequences of mentioning it can be in the courtroom and with public opinion. It also addresses racial prejudice in jury pools and the challenges of ensuring a fair trial. There was a sickening moment during jury selection where a potential juror stated that “Trayvon would be alive today if his father was involved in his life,” a statement that was clearly based on prejudice and speculation rather than fact. In terms of the initial investigation, it seems that the police made assumptions about what type of this case was and it wasn’t as fully investigated as it could have been. The shooter was taken at his word, despite the suspicions of the investigating detective.

“And then, finally, I think it’s going to be important for all of us to do some soul-searching. … Am I wringing as much bias out of myself as I can? Am I judging people as much as I can, based on not the color of their skin but the content of their character? That would, I think, be an appropriate exercise in the wake of this tragedy.” — President Barack Obama, July 19, 2013.

I jumped at the opportunity to read this book, because I’ve never stopped thinking about this case. We have no way of knowing exactly what happened that night, but it seems very clear that there was ample opportunity for that evening not to end with Trayvon Martin’s death. While I was already familiar with most of the details on a surface level, it was enlightening to read the parents’ perspectives and it brought me to tears several times. It had me crying from the introduction! Unfortunately, this story does not stop with Trayvon. Stories like his have made the news frequently, including the murder of Jordan Davis (his killer is currently serving life without parole after a retrial). Trayvon’s parents continue to keep their son’s name alive through the Trayvon Martin Foundation, an organization that works to prevent similar tragedies from happening and offers support to those who’ve been affected by gun violence.

Another powerful book by Han Kang, author of The Vegetarian.

After you died I could not hold a funeral,
And so my life became a funeral.

Some historical background: After 18 years of authoritarian rule, South Korean President Park Chung-hee was assassinated on October 26, 1979. Hopes for democracy were dashed when Army Major General Chun Do-hwan seized power in a military coup on December 12, 1979. On May 17, he placed the entire country under martial law under the pretext of national security concerns. The next day university students in Gwangju held a demonstration protesting his oppressive actions. Government troops were sent to forcefully suppress the opposition, but their brutality did not deter the citizens of Gwangju. People from all walks of life came out to defend their community. The fighting continued until May 27, when government forces succeeded in crushing the rebellion. (More detailed information on the Gwangju People’s Uprising at the Korean Resource Center.)

In Human Acts, fifteen-year-old Dong-ho’s best friend Jeong-dae is killed during a demonstration. Dong-ho ran for safety and feels immense guilt for leaving his friend behind (“There will be no forgiveness. Least of all for me”). The dead bodies are collected in a gymnasium so that families can walk through to find and identify their loved ones. While Dong-ho searches for his friend amongst the dead, he’s recruited as a volunteer and incidentally becomes part of the rebellion. Dong-ho is killed by government troops. The chapters that follow are a collection of individual experiences all connected by the Gwangju Uprising and Dong-ho’s death.

Our experiences might have been similar, but they were far from identical. What good could an autopsy possibly do? How could we ever hope to understand what he went through, he himself, alone? What he’d kept locked away inside himself for all those years.

The book covers a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2013. Each chapter is from the perspective of a different person in a different year, but they are all living with the effects of that week in 1980. We hear from Dong-ho, his best friend’s spirit, an editor that deals with censors, a man and woman who were imprisoned and tortured for their political activities, and Dong Ho’s mother. The epilogue is told from author Han Kang’s perspective. During the time of the Gwangju Uprising, she was only 9 years old and her family had just moved from Gwangju to Seoul. While she was out of harm’s way, knowledge of the event left an indelible mark on her. She writes about what compelled her to write this book and about the real-life Dong-ho.

You feel the weight of an enormous glacier bearing down on your body. You wish that you were able to flow beneath it, to become fluid, whether seawater, oil, or lava, and shuck off these rigid impermeable outlines, which encase you like a coffin. Only that way might your find some form of release.

The introduction by translator Deborah Smith provides vital historical context and notes about her translation process. She also translated The Vegetarian. Both books are relatively short, but every single word packs a punch. The writing style is accessible, but the content emotionally difficult. There’s a visceral physicality to the language and I felt the impact of every word. Han Kang has a remarkable ability to sum up a person or a relationship in just a couple of sentences. That ability is showcased of the portrayal of the relationship between Jeong-dae and his sister Jeong-mi. There are so many moving scenes, but one of my favorites is in “The Editor” chapter, which details the performance of a play with a censored script. It shows how impossible it is to suppress everything. Dong-ho’s confusion about the displays of patriotism in a nation where the government is attacking its own citizens and the discussion of what a nation is also made an impression on me.
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At that moment, I realized what all this was for. The words that this torture and starvation were intended to elicit. We will make you realize how ridiculous it was, the lot of you waving the national flag and singing the national anthem. We will prove to you that you are nothing but filty stinking bodies. That you are no better than the carcasses of starving animals.

The Vegetarian was the more unique reading experience, but Human Acts evoked stronger feelings in me. I prefer realism and Human Acts is more grounded, while The Vegetarian is surreal and dream-like. However, in both books characters suffer from the long-lasting effects of trauma and the desire to escape the confines of the body. There were several events in Human Acts that reminded me of The Vegetarian, especially in “The Editor” and “The Factory Girl” chapters. I think that reading The Vegetarian would be an even richer experience after reading Human Acts.

Is it true that human beings are fundamentally cruel? Is the experience of cruelty the only hinge we share as as a species? Is the dignity that we cling to nothing but self-delusion, masking from ourselves this single truth: that each one of us is capable of being reduced to an insect, a ravening beast, a lump of meat? To be degraded, damaged, slaughtered–is this the essential fate of human kind, one that history has confirmed as inevitable?

In Human Acts, people’s lives suddenly become unrecognizable. Many of them feel an instinctive call to protect their freedoms and the future of their nation, even in the face of almost certain defeat. Through the characters, we explore the push and pull of nobility and barbarism on human nature. What does it mean to be human? If we aren’t innately good or bad, is there a way to steer us towards our better impulses? There are several instances where a character assumes decency in another, only to be proven wrong soon after. As bleak as many of the perspectives are, Kang doesn’t ignore the good in the people. She also writes about the helpers and the soldiers who disobeyed their orders. It’s been about six months since I read this book and I still get the same pit in my stomach when I think about it. It’s a tough read, but worth the time.

Some of those who came to slaughter us did so with the memory of those previous times, when committing such actions in wartime won them a handsome reward. It happened in Gwangju just as it did on Jeju Island, in Kwantung and Nanjing, in Bosnia, and all across the American Continent when it was still known as the New World, with such a uniform brutality it’s as through it is imprinted in our genetic code.

NOTES:
• I highly recommend reading the informative interview with Han Kang over at The White Review.
• I’ve read a number of books about citizen uprisings from all over the world and there’s a common thread that runs through most of them: United States support of these oppressive government crackdowns.
• The election of Park Chung-hee’s daughter Park Geun-hye in 2013 reopened old wounds. She is currently suspended from office while undergoing impeachment proceedings.
• Related Books: Green Island (citizen uprising/martial law/brutal regimes/Asia), The Buried Giant (collective memory/scars from the past), Between the World and Me (destruction of the body).

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FAMILY is now something I have created, and not just something I was born into.

3.5 Stars. High school senior Gretchen Asher’s life changed forever the night she was attacked. She has lived in fear for the past six months. One day, she has a panic attack after seeing a young man who resembles her attacker. She realizes it couldn’t possibly be the same person, so she finds him to apologize. The young man’s name is Phoenix (18) and he just recently arrived in the United States. He and his brother Ari (12) fled their home in El Salvador to seek asylum in the United States. Gretchen and Phoenix quickly bond. She doesn’t have to pretend with him. He’s the first person who asks the questions that matter and really listens to her replies. For Phoenix, it’s hard being an outsider in a new country where the people are automatically suspicious of him. Gretchen’s attention makes this place feel like a home. Sadly, the pair might not have much time together. Phoenix has little hope of being granted asylum.

“Don’t let that stuff from your past tell you who you are.”

The chapters alternate between Gretchen’s and Phoenix’s perspectives. At first, I thought this book may be a little too YA for me, but these two characters slowly stole my heart as their background stories were revealed. The thoughtful gestures they made to each other as their friendship developed were so sweet. The story behind the title is a really ‘aww’-worthy moment! Gretchen and Phoenix are able to lean on each other, but sometimes it seems that Gretchen is the one that demands the most support. When she realizes the disparity in the relationship, she steps up for Phoenix in a meaningful way. I’m leery of love stories, but it helped that these two characters were interesting as individuals. They had their own issues to deal with outside of falling in love and other interesting relationships besides each other. Their connection solidified because they were are able to empathize with each other in a way that others weren’t able to.

“All of those people—they don’t know what we know.”

Gretchen has been suffering from PTSD since she was attacked. She can barely leave the house, never knowing what will trigger a panic attack. Well-meaning people try to talk to her about her incident, but they always seem more interested in the attacker’s appearance or explaining to her what they would’ve done. She knows she’ll never be the same, but all her friends and family are waiting for her to revert back to her old self. At the same time that Gretchen is trying to get a handle on her PTSD, she is also experiencing typical teen problems. Her boyfriend moved off to college and they’re drifting apart. Her best friend Bree acts completely different since getting a boyfriend. One thing I liked about that storyline was that while Gretchen is a little annoyed by the new boyfriend, he ends up being a great friend to her and Phoenix. This isn’t the only time that Gretchen’s preconceived notions are challenged.

“My American Dream’s way more simple than that. I just wanna be able to go for a walk in the woods alone—get on one of those little trails in the forest and walk for hours. That would be so awesome. Or maybe head over to a friend’s place after dinner to watch a football match on TV, and not have to look behind my back every five seconds, not have to worry about whether I’ll make it home alive.”

In El Salvador, Phoenix and Ari get forced into a life-or-death situation. Phoenix sees only one way to protect his brother: flee. The four-month journey to the US was long and brutal. After the brothers reached the US border, they were detained and put into separate detention facilities. Phoenix was sent to Atlanta, Georgia, while Ari is in Texas. Phoenix is frustrated that Ari hasn’t spoken one word since they were separated, traumatized by the horrors they witnessed. As an “unaccompanied minor,” Ari has a good chance of staying in the United States, but only if he’s able to communicate. Phoenix was fortunate enough to be taken in by a local family, but he has little chance of being granted asylum–and even less of a chance if anyone looks deeper into his past. In an unforgiving legal system, Phoenix is unable to put that past behind him. The thought of returning home is terrifying because he will almost certainly be killed. Phoenix’s chapters shine a light on the United States immigration system, the conditions in detention centers, and what happens to young people once they reach the border.
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Gretchen and Phoenix both survived things that no one should have to experience. They support each other as they learn how to overcome feelings of guilt and keep living a full life despite their past trauma. The Radius of Us is more than a story about two young people falling in love. Through the character’s unique perspectives, the reader learns (1) about overcoming preconceived notions, (2) what it’s like to be a victim of a violent crime, (3) how to be a supportive friend, and (4) why a person might leave the only home they’ve ever known and what awaits them at the other side. It also gives exposure to another country and culture that many might not be familiar with. On that last note, this book encouraged me to seek out more information on El Salvador. Phoenix’s descriptions of pupusas had my mouth watering and I’ve already found a few local Central American/Salvadorean restaurants that I’m going to try! Recommended for young adult readers. Books like these are important for spreading awareness and fostering empathy.

___________________

Notes: How did the violence in El Salvador get so out of control? Hundreds of thousands of Salvadoreans fled while their country was immersed in a twelve-year civil war, many settling in the United States. In some areas, gangs began to form as a protective mechanism for these new neighborhoods. The US introduced new tougher immigration legislation in 1996 and began deporting large numbers of gang members back to their home countries. Still reeling from the effects of civil war, El Salvador was a fertile ground for violent gangs to thrive. (Sources: How El Salvador Fell Into A Web Of Gang Violence & Who’s to blame for El Salvador’s gang violence?)

I was about to start a marathon cleaning session, but thankfully this book came along. Marathon cleaning is a big no-no and I get caught in that cycle too often! The UFYH method says if you spend a few minutes a day on chores, you’ll save time, reduce your anxiety, and build lifelong habits. I loved the concept of doing things as a gift to your future self. The author suggests 20 Minute Clean/10 Minute Rest sessions but recommends scaling if you have a disability that makes it difficult to stay active for that long. The system is very flexible. If you’re tired one day, just a couple of sessions will go a long way towards a cleaner and happier home. This method is said to be useful to everyone, but especially: busy people, people who can’t afford a maid, people with physical or mental illnesses or disabilities, people on their own for the first time, lazy people, and perfectionists. Warning: The title is bleeped out, but there are obviously some curse words in this book. I thought the cursing was surprisingly minimal considering the title.

There’s a universe of difference between a picture-perfect home that can be featured in magazines and a perfectly functional and livable home that you aren’t ashamed of or stressed out by. … Your home doesn’t need to look like the ones in those pictures in order for you to love living in it.

It’s divided into five sections (1) Getting Started, (2) Unf*cking Your Own Habitat, (3) Troubleshooting: Dealing with Other People’s F*cked-Up Space, (4) Special Cases (Moving, Digital Life, Schoolwork, and Work, and Emergency tips for preparing for last minute visits), and (5) List of UfYH Fundamentals and Helpful Checklists. There are mini-challenges scattered throughout the book, to encourage you to get started immediately. Rachel Hoffman has a supportive and nonjudgmental tone. Sometimes I read these types of books and the author sounds like the type of person who is constantly apologizing for the mess in their spotless home. Hoffman recognizes the struggle! She encourages being realistic in your goals. There’s quite a bit of repetition, but I don’t think most people will be reading this book straight through like I did. Some sections didn’t apply to me and other sections will be more helpful at specific points in life. I appreciated that the author addressed how societal perception and internalization of gender stereotypes can lead to all the housework unnecessarily falling on one person.

“Messy” isn’t who you are; it’s a result of what you do or don’t do, and it can change. You can change it.

Much of the content is already available via the blog, but there is a good case for owning a copy of this book:
• It’s helpful to have a physical copy to refer to, especially since hopping on the Internet isn’t always the best idea when you need to get motivated.
• It’s nice to have the important information concentrated in a well-organized spot that doesn’t require electricity or an internet connection.
• Supporting content creators who make a positive difference in our lives.
I generally prefer print over ebook for activity books.
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We are, for better or worse, our own worst critics, but there’s no reason we can’t also be our own biggest cheerleaders. Self-perception, when you get right down to it, is really the most important view of ourselves, so be as kind to yourself in your own mind as you’d want everyone else to be to you out loud.

This method really resonated with me, because I never learned basic cleaning skills when I was growing up; I never even had chores! I definitely fit the profile of a marathon cleaner. I don’t have trouble with basic tasks like laundry/dishes/trash (though I did when I first moved out on my own!), but I don’t even notice soap scum on my shower door or dust on unused surfaces until it becomes a massive project. Some of the cleaning tips seem obvious now, but I never thought about cleaning efficiency and what areas of the room should be cleaned first. Hoffman recommends teaching your children good cleaning habits at a young age because those habits are difficult to develop up when you become an adult. For those of us that weren’t lucky enough to develop those habits young, UFYH is a great starting point.

Everything tends to become far more manageable when you stop looking at the big terrifying forest and take a nice long look at the trees.

I highly recommend you download the companion app, Unfilth Your Habitat. It includes a helpful 20/10 timer, but my favorite features are the “Random Unf*cking Challenge” and the “Challenge by Room.” Those selections give you specific tasks to work on, so you don’t have to sit there being overwhelmed about where to start. In the “Random” section, you can even select the amount of time you have available. A five-minute challenge might be “wipe down your kitchen counters,” whereas a twenty-minute challenge might be “attack your need-to-iron pile.” Little things done consistently can make a big difference and add up to a better quality of life.

You can’t fail at something cyclical like this.

This book motivated me to start on the home project that causes me the most anxiety–my shower doors! I cleaned between chapters. I’m still working on it, but it’s almost spotless now! Unf*ck Your Habitat will be most useful for people who are complete beginners at cleaning, but there are helpful tips for everyone. If you need a supportive, no-nonsense voice to encourage you to get started, this is the book for you. Hoffman has such a reassuring voice that it felt like we were in this together! The publication date for this book is January 3, 2017, just in time to help you with your New Year’s resolutions!